1 00:00:55,929 --> 00:00:58,489 Girls! Girls, it's here. 2 00:00:58,565 --> 00:01:02,729 I am so excited. It's my letter from the Elvis Presley fan club. 3 00:01:02,803 --> 00:01:05,465 Oh, my hands are shaking. Dorothy, you read it. 4 00:01:05,539 --> 00:01:09,839 "Dear Rose Nylund. Your application to start an unauthorized chapter 5 00:01:09,910 --> 00:01:14,142 "of the Elvis Presley Hunk-a Hunk-a Burnin' Love Fan Club 6 00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:17,706 in your neighborhood and/or trailer park has been accepted." 7 00:01:17,784 --> 00:01:21,311 This is the happiest, most fulfilling day of my life! 8 00:01:21,388 --> 00:01:25,552 Which makes you the most pathetic human being on this planet. 9 00:01:25,992 --> 00:01:27,857 (phone rings) 10 00:01:27,928 --> 00:01:30,419 Well, I love Elvis. 11 00:01:30,497 --> 00:01:33,125 Blanche, I'd be honored if you'd be the first member 12 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,293 of the Hunk-a Hunk-a Burnin' Love Fan Club. 13 00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:40,102 I graciously accept, and promise to do a good job as president. 14 00:01:41,575 --> 00:01:43,270 Why should you be president? 15 00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:46,403 Well, because I saw Elvis in Harum Scarum over 50 times. 16 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:50,246 - So did I. - I have every album he ever recorded. 17 00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:53,286 So have I. And every single. 18 00:01:53,353 --> 00:01:57,585 I slept with him in a Motel 6 outside Chattanooga. 19 00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:02,720 Congratulations, Madam President. 20 00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:07,960 Blanche, why did you say that? You didn't really sleep with Elvis Presley. 21 00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:11,026 Back where I come from, there were a lot of hillbilly boys 22 00:02:11,104 --> 00:02:13,572 with muttonchop sideburns named Elvis. 23 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:17,508 The light was bad in the bayou. It could have happened. 24 00:02:17,944 --> 00:02:20,435 Blanche, you never slept with Elvis Presley. 25 00:02:20,514 --> 00:02:22,505 Oh, all right, all right. 26 00:02:22,582 --> 00:02:25,779 But I once did make love to an unattractive boy named Ernest, 27 00:02:25,852 --> 00:02:31,154 and in the middle of it I cried out Elvis' name. Technically, I think that counts. 28 00:02:33,627 --> 00:02:35,891 Ma, what's the matter? 29 00:02:35,962 --> 00:02:38,260 Esther Weinstock is dead. 30 00:02:38,331 --> 00:02:41,095 We grew up together. She was my best friend. 31 00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:44,569 Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened? 32 00:02:44,638 --> 00:02:49,598 She was fighting an oil rig fire in the Gulf of Mexico. She was 88! 33 00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:55,240 Well, it's great that she was able to work right up to the end. 34 00:03:01,054 --> 00:03:03,249 - When is the funeral? - Wednesday. 35 00:03:03,323 --> 00:03:08,158 - I'll go back to Brooklyn with you. - I'm not going, and you know why. 36 00:03:08,228 --> 00:03:10,719 I guess the body was lost at sea. 37 00:03:14,468 --> 00:03:17,960 Ma doesn't want to go to the funeral because Esther's husband... 38 00:03:18,038 --> 00:03:21,269 Max Weinstock will be there. I will not stand under the same roof 39 00:03:21,341 --> 00:03:24,572 with that miserable bocciagalupe. and you know why. 40 00:03:24,644 --> 00:03:28,808 See, years ago, Max and my father were business partners. 41 00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:32,943 They ran a pizza-knish stand at Coney Island. 42 00:03:33,019 --> 00:03:37,786 One day, Pop came home and said that Max had gambled away the profits. 43 00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:41,021 Well, they went broke. Ma never forgave him. 44 00:03:41,094 --> 00:03:43,460 Max and my Salvadore were business partners... 45 00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:46,124 - They already know, Ma. - Oh, that's what I figured. 46 00:03:46,199 --> 00:03:48,895 I got my heel caught in the carpet. 47 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:54,270 Sophia, she was your best friend. Are you sure you don't want to go to her funeral? 48 00:03:54,341 --> 00:03:57,003 Of course I want to go. But I swore a Sicilian oath 49 00:03:57,077 --> 00:03:59,545 I would never cast my eyes on Max Weinstock again. 50 00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:02,081 And nothing you say will make me change my mind. 51 00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:04,446 - I'll buy the tickets. - Book business class. 52 00:04:04,518 --> 00:04:09,512 If I have to sit through the Three Amigos. I'll need champagne. 53 00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:34,809 All right, Dorothy. Let's get out of here. 54 00:04:34,881 --> 00:04:37,441 Ma, we have to pay our respects to the family. 55 00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:42,352 And listen, if you see Max, I don't want you making another scene like at the funeral. 56 00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:45,755 Scene? What scene? It's not my fault the klutz tripped over my foot 57 00:04:45,825 --> 00:04:48,885 and nearly fell into an open grave. 58 00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:54,457 You didn't have to yell, "Start shoveling, boys" as he tried to get up. 59 00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:58,801 Sophia? 60 00:04:58,872 --> 00:05:01,534 Dorothy, do you hear a dog howling? 61 00:05:01,608 --> 00:05:04,008 Behave yourself. Hello, Mr. Weinstock. 62 00:05:04,077 --> 00:05:06,568 Oh, my goodness, as I live and breathe! 63 00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:09,114 Unfortunately. 64 00:05:09,182 --> 00:05:11,548 - Little Dorothy Petrillo. - That's right. 65 00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:15,110 You haven't changed a bit. Same gorgeous smile. 66 00:05:15,188 --> 00:05:19,124 Pretty eyes, beautiful figure, long golden blonde hair. 67 00:05:19,192 --> 00:05:22,719 You have cataracts, don't you, Mr. Weinstock? 68 00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:25,264 Since 1967. 69 00:05:25,332 --> 00:05:26,993 Let's go. 70 00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:31,504 Sophia. Esther would have appreciated you being here. 71 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:36,633 I loved that woman. She was the best. That's why she deserved a better husband. 72 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:40,476 Instead of a miserable, no-good, lowlife sleazeball. 73 00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:44,483 Sophia, if you knew now what I knew then... 74 00:05:44,551 --> 00:05:46,917 Ah, so what. 75 00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:49,512 If you've got something to say, spit it out. 76 00:05:49,589 --> 00:05:51,921 Don't push me, or I will. 77 00:05:53,593 --> 00:05:56,255 There. I pushed. Too bad you weren't on the stairs. 78 00:05:56,329 --> 00:05:58,923 Ma, Ma, you're creating a scene. 79 00:05:58,999 --> 00:06:01,433 Look, that was a long time ago. Forget about it. 80 00:06:01,501 --> 00:06:04,231 I can't forget. This man stole money from us. 81 00:06:04,304 --> 00:06:08,331 - Because of him, our family went hungry. - Ma, we never went hungry. 82 00:06:08,408 --> 00:06:11,275 Some nights I felt like dessert. 83 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:18,943 Sophia, I kept this secret for 40 years because I didn't want to break your heart. 84 00:06:19,019 --> 00:06:23,012 But now that I know it's made of stone, you might as well know the truth. 85 00:06:23,089 --> 00:06:25,922 Brooklyn, 1949. 86 00:06:25,992 --> 00:06:29,860 We were sitting at this table, playing a spirited game of... 87 00:06:29,929 --> 00:06:31,521 Gin! 88 00:06:31,598 --> 00:06:33,862 Four in a row. Tonight's your lucky night. 89 00:06:33,933 --> 00:06:37,562 I hope that'll continue once we get home. 90 00:06:38,138 --> 00:06:43,235 He buys a new T-shirt, trims the hair out of his ears, suddenly he's Charles Boyer. 91 00:06:43,309 --> 00:06:45,800 - So how was business today? - Terrific. 92 00:06:45,879 --> 00:06:49,246 We didn't have a pizza or a knish left on the shelf. 93 00:06:49,315 --> 00:06:52,148 - I'd love a cup of coffee. - I'll get everybody some. 94 00:06:52,218 --> 00:06:54,550 Here, let me help. 95 00:06:56,890 --> 00:07:01,224 - Max, there's something I have to tell you. - What's wrong? 96 00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:04,161 The week's receipts. I lost them on a horse. 97 00:07:04,230 --> 00:07:05,663 You what? 98 00:07:05,732 --> 00:07:08,098 I got a tip. It was supposed to be a sure thing. 99 00:07:08,168 --> 00:07:13,231 I don't believe it! That means we're out of business. We're through. 100 00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:16,901 So's my marriage. When Sophia finds out, she'll put me out on the street. 101 00:07:16,976 --> 00:07:19,206 Max, I'm sorry. 102 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:21,440 Coffee'll be ready in a minute. 103 00:07:21,514 --> 00:07:24,108 Sophia, I have something to tell you. 104 00:07:24,184 --> 00:07:26,675 Wait, wait. Let me tell her. 105 00:07:26,753 --> 00:07:30,655 Sophia, we're out of business. I gambled the money away. 106 00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:32,919 - That's not true. - I wish it wasn't. 107 00:07:32,992 --> 00:07:35,586 That's what happened. I'm sorry, Sophia. 108 00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:38,722 - I don't believe it! This is insane. - Calm down. 109 00:07:38,798 --> 00:07:42,234 Calm down? Calm down? Did you hear what he just said? 110 00:07:43,536 --> 00:07:46,869 Salvadore wanted to tell you, but I wouldn't let him. 111 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:50,273 I cared for you both too much to let your marriage break up. 112 00:07:50,343 --> 00:07:54,746 And Sal felt so guilty, he never gambled again. It was worth it. 113 00:07:54,814 --> 00:07:59,114 That was a very lovely thing you did, Mr. Weinstock. Wasn't it, Ma? 114 00:07:59,185 --> 00:08:00,914 Wasn't it, Ma? 115 00:08:00,987 --> 00:08:03,956 Ah, forget it. It's ancient history. 116 00:08:04,023 --> 00:08:06,082 Ma, say something to him. 117 00:08:06,159 --> 00:08:09,890 I can't. Sicilians have a hard time with apologies. 118 00:08:09,963 --> 00:08:15,959 They also have a hard time passing wet cement without putting someone in it. 119 00:08:18,138 --> 00:08:20,470 They manage. Go on. 120 00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,775 Max, there's something I gotta say to you. 121 00:08:25,845 --> 00:08:28,575 What? 122 00:08:28,648 --> 00:08:32,049 The knishes. They're pretty good. 123 00:08:33,186 --> 00:08:36,053 Apology accepted. 124 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:49,563 Well, that concludes the first meeting of the Hunk-a Hunk-a Burnin' Love Fan Club. 125 00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:55,233 But before we adjourn, our secretary has a real special surprise. 126 00:08:55,308 --> 00:08:58,607 A genuine Elvis artifact! 127 00:08:58,678 --> 00:09:01,010 (oohs and aahs) 128 00:09:02,415 --> 00:09:05,213 It's a partially-eaten pork chop. 129 00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:10,320 - Let me see. - He had beautiful teeth, didn't he? 130 00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:12,722 It's wonderful! 131 00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:20,161 This has to be a fake. 132 00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:24,329 Elvis would never have left this much meat on a pork chop. 133 00:09:35,215 --> 00:09:38,582 Dorothy, you're out of the club. Meeting is adjourned. 134 00:09:38,651 --> 00:09:43,384 Thank you, ladies. See you next week. Thank you for coming. 135 00:09:45,825 --> 00:09:48,316 I hope you're not too upset over this, Dorothy. 136 00:09:48,394 --> 00:09:53,297 I've just been thrown out of an unauthorized Elvis fan club. 137 00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:57,234 I'll try to pick up the pieces and go on with my life. 138 00:09:59,839 --> 00:10:04,276 I mean, there must be a support group for people like me. 139 00:10:07,647 --> 00:10:10,878 We're sorry, Dorothy, but the bylaws clearly state 140 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:16,217 that any derogatory remarks about the King are grounds for immediate expulsion. 141 00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:21,090 Maybe you ought to join an organization that is a little less fanatical in its devotion. 142 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,492 Like what, Blanche? The PLO? 143 00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:30,901 Do you know what I hate doing most after a party? 144 00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:34,406 Trying to find your underwear in the big pile? 145 00:10:42,749 --> 00:10:45,718 Cleaning up the dirty dishes. 146 00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:48,117 You twit. 147 00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:53,420 Listen, why don't we just leave this mess and go out and get something to eat? 148 00:10:53,493 --> 00:10:57,190 I'll ask Ma if she'd like to come. It'll do her good to get out of the house. 149 00:10:57,263 --> 00:11:00,027 Oh, she's been so depressed since that funeral. 150 00:11:00,099 --> 00:11:02,397 I mean, she lost one of her oldest friends, 151 00:11:02,468 --> 00:11:06,404 and even though she made up with Max, she'll probably never see him again. 152 00:11:06,472 --> 00:11:09,202 Well, you go and get her, we will try to cheer her up. 153 00:11:09,275 --> 00:11:11,743 We don't want that poor thing getting sick. 154 00:11:11,811 --> 00:11:12,800 No. 155 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:16,509 - (Dorothy) Ma! Oh, my God! - Dorothy, what is it? 156 00:11:16,582 --> 00:11:18,675 What, honey? 157 00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:22,016 Oh! Good Lord. 158 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,666 Ma, what is going on here? 159 00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:39,864 Afterglow. 160 00:11:41,841 --> 00:11:43,866 Nice to see you again, Dorothy. 161 00:11:43,943 --> 00:11:47,879 You too, Mr. Weinstock. When did you get in? 162 00:11:53,619 --> 00:11:57,248 Oh, you mean in town? Yesterday. 163 00:11:57,323 --> 00:12:00,383 You should have called, I could have made you dinner. 164 00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:03,657 - Before you slept with my mother! - Dorothy! 165 00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:06,665 Ma, this is the most upsetting thing you have ever done. 166 00:12:06,733 --> 00:12:10,294 I am shocked. I am disappointed. I am speechless. 167 00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:14,238 - We're getting married. - I am very lightheaded. 168 00:12:20,546 --> 00:12:22,878 Dorothy? Dorothy? 169 00:12:23,716 --> 00:12:27,618 - Oh, good, I think she's waking up. - Oh, honey, come on, sweetie. 170 00:12:27,687 --> 00:12:30,315 Are you all right? 171 00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:32,824 Oh, I'm fine, Rose. 172 00:12:32,892 --> 00:12:37,454 Oh, that was strange. I... I've never fainted before. 173 00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:40,624 Me neither. What does it feel like after you faint? 174 00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,032 Like this, Rose. 175 00:12:48,074 --> 00:12:52,477 Ma, I think it's time you explained all this nonsense about getting married. 176 00:12:52,545 --> 00:12:55,537 - It's not nonsense. - And we're gonna do it right away. 177 00:12:55,615 --> 00:13:00,348 Look, Dorothy, I know that you'll probably find it hard to understand. 178 00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:04,618 But when I saw your mother again after all these years, something happened. 179 00:13:04,690 --> 00:13:08,751 We talked, we laughed, we held hands, we fell in love. 180 00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:12,093 Actually, we got a hot dog before we fell in love. 181 00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:15,191 But the point is, we're crazy about each other. 182 00:13:15,268 --> 00:13:18,032 And if this turns out to be a mistake, what the hell, 183 00:13:18,104 --> 00:13:21,767 we'll probably be dead before we find out. 184 00:13:21,841 --> 00:13:24,639 Kiss me, you poet. 185 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:28,111 - Oh, they are so cute together! - Oh, I know. Isn't it romantic? 186 00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:30,342 No, it isn't, it's ridiculous. 187 00:13:30,416 --> 00:13:35,251 Ma, this is the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life. 188 00:13:35,321 --> 00:13:38,085 Fine. Don't come to the wedding. 189 00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:41,092 Who wants you? But just remember one thing. 190 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:46,359 If you want to send us a gift, we're registered at Jordan Marsh. 191 00:13:55,942 --> 00:13:59,036 - What are you doing? - Sending invitations for the wedding. 192 00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:02,343 Oh, well, forget about that, Rose. Do you know what we need? 193 00:14:02,415 --> 00:14:04,883 An Elvis impersonator. 194 00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:09,588 Sounds great. I thought we'd get a new dishwasher first, 195 00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:13,785 but this could probably come in just as handy. 196 00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:17,921 I mean for our next club meeting, Rose. 197 00:14:17,997 --> 00:14:21,694 Membership has been waning. Maybe this will generate a little interest. 198 00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:25,828 - Oh, Blanche, that's a terrific idea. - What's a terrific idea? 199 00:14:25,905 --> 00:14:28,533 Hiring an Elvis impersonator for our next club meeting. 200 00:14:28,608 --> 00:14:32,135 If you were picking an Elvis impersonator, how would you pick a good one? 201 00:14:32,211 --> 00:14:35,942 I'd thump on his belly and see if he's ripe. 202 00:14:37,683 --> 00:14:40,413 How the hell should I know? Why the hell should I care? 203 00:14:40,486 --> 00:14:43,421 You threw me out of your crummy club. 204 00:14:43,489 --> 00:14:45,582 I'll start working on it as soon as I finish 205 00:14:45,658 --> 00:14:48,252 with the invitations for... you-know-who's wedding. 206 00:14:48,327 --> 00:14:52,229 Look, Rose, I would rather not talk about Ma's wedding. 207 00:14:52,298 --> 00:14:55,563 Dorothy, don't you think it's time you gave her your blessing? 208 00:14:55,635 --> 00:14:59,731 We've hired a caterer, we've ordered flowers. The invitations are being sent. 209 00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:04,037 Blanche, how can I give her my blessing? She has hated that man for 40 years. 210 00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:08,137 Now suddenly, after a three-day weekend, she decides to get married. 211 00:15:08,214 --> 00:15:11,240 I cannot believe that someone can fall in love that quickly. 212 00:15:11,317 --> 00:15:15,117 My Charlie asked me to marry him ten minutes after we met. 213 00:15:15,188 --> 00:15:18,055 Course, we were only seven at the time. 214 00:15:19,025 --> 00:15:21,391 My mother was so cute when I told her. 215 00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:24,156 She said, "Rose, honey, you're just a little girl. 216 00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:27,757 "You have your entire life before you, and the whole world to see. 217 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:31,166 "Now, you wait until you grow up and get sophisticated, 218 00:15:31,237 --> 00:15:34,035 and marry at 15 like your sisters." 219 00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:37,498 But you didn't. 220 00:15:37,577 --> 00:15:41,240 No, I was always kind of the gypsy of the family. 221 00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:44,283 The rebel. 222 00:15:46,619 --> 00:15:49,110 I wanted to see the world. So after high school, 223 00:15:49,188 --> 00:15:52,817 I went to St. Gustave University to study Latin. 224 00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:56,727 I didn't know you studied Latin. 225 00:15:56,796 --> 00:16:00,095 First in my class, Orothyday. 226 00:16:08,774 --> 00:16:11,038 Well, what do you think? 227 00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:14,637 - Sophia, that looks beautiful. - It's absolutely gorgeous. 228 00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:18,013 Don't you have to be a virgin to wear a white wedding dress? 229 00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:24,080 Please! The last time I was a virgin, the Louisiana Purchase was still in escrow. 230 00:16:25,358 --> 00:16:28,555 - It doesn't matter. No one's gonna see it. - What do you mean? 231 00:16:28,628 --> 00:16:32,894 According to Sicilian custom, I can't marry unless I have you-know-who's blessing. 232 00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:35,866 - Who? - Dick Clark! 233 00:16:37,436 --> 00:16:39,495 Dorothy, you idiot. 234 00:16:39,572 --> 00:16:42,735 Dorothy, your mother's talking to you. 235 00:16:44,977 --> 00:16:49,914 Dorothy, I spoke to your Aunt Regina in Sicily to tell her about the wedding. 236 00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:53,543 She told me I'm in for some very bad luck unless I have the blessing 237 00:16:53,619 --> 00:16:57,350 of my eldest daughter, or my child with the most facial hair. 238 00:16:57,423 --> 00:17:00,915 Either way, all arrows point to you. 239 00:17:02,094 --> 00:17:05,461 Ma, you know how I feel. I cannot give you my blessing. 240 00:17:05,531 --> 00:17:09,058 Dorothy, I love you, but if you ruin my happiness, 241 00:17:09,135 --> 00:17:13,094 I will put a Sicilian curse on you that will be like hell on earth. 242 00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:17,632 Ma, you can't put a Sicilian curse on your eldest daughter 243 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:21,942 if the mother is marrying a man under five foot, seven! 244 00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:27,944 You're not the only one with Aunt Regina's phone number. 245 00:17:29,889 --> 00:17:32,221 Damn MCI. 246 00:17:39,832 --> 00:17:42,323 (Blanche) Sophia? Sophia? 247 00:17:42,401 --> 00:17:44,767 (Rose) Sophia? 248 00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:48,069 Where'd she go? The wedding's about to start. 249 00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:50,700 (toilet flushes) 250 00:17:50,776 --> 00:17:53,336 - Is that you, Sophia? - (Sophia) No, it's Merlin Olsen. 251 00:17:53,412 --> 00:17:56,438 I'm watering my forget-me-not bouquet. 252 00:17:56,515 --> 00:18:00,849 - Honey, we've come to help you get ready. - The wedding is off. 253 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,445 What's going on? Where's Sophia? 254 00:18:03,522 --> 00:18:07,822 She's locked herself in the bathroom. She has pre-wedding jitters. 255 00:18:07,893 --> 00:18:10,384 Sophia? It's me, Max. 256 00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:14,126 Now, what's all this nonsense about not wanting to get married? 257 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,465 Oh, Max, I love you with all my heart. 258 00:18:17,536 --> 00:18:21,836 The time we spent together has been some of the happiest of my life. 259 00:18:21,907 --> 00:18:27,174 But my Dorothy might be right. Maybe it's not possible to fall in love so quickly. 260 00:18:27,246 --> 00:18:30,181 Maybe it's not possible at all at our age. 261 00:18:30,249 --> 00:18:34,777 But it sure felt like it the other night, when we were walking along the beach, 262 00:18:34,854 --> 00:18:39,848 and you took me in your arms and said, "Sophia, look up at that beautiful moon. 263 00:18:39,925 --> 00:18:45,989 I wish I could throw a lasso around it and give it to you. That's how much I love you." 264 00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:50,229 - And then I said, "Darling..." - Ma, stop. Stop. 265 00:18:51,237 --> 00:18:55,867 - Ma, listen, I have to talk to you. - Who's in charge here? 266 00:18:55,941 --> 00:18:59,069 - What's the problem? - I'm the caterer. It's two o'clock. 267 00:18:59,145 --> 00:19:02,546 The guests are waiting. Why isn't the show on the road? 268 00:19:02,615 --> 00:19:05,083 - Ma, I know you're in there. - The wedding is off. 269 00:19:05,151 --> 00:19:08,780 - She doesn't approve. - She doesn't approve? 270 00:19:08,854 --> 00:19:11,186 Now, look here, Stretch. 271 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,124 I have a hundred cheese puffs and a sensitive assistant 272 00:19:17,196 --> 00:19:19,960 both on the verge of collapse. 273 00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:22,899 Whatever the problem is, overlook it. 274 00:19:22,968 --> 00:19:25,266 My mother did with my marriage. 275 00:19:25,337 --> 00:19:29,569 And if you say something smart, I'll slap you silly. 276 00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:37,611 Listen, this is a private moment, so butt out, Rambo. 277 00:19:41,253 --> 00:19:44,313 Ma, I have a confession to make. I came here 278 00:19:44,390 --> 00:19:47,917 to beg you for the last time not to get married. 279 00:19:47,993 --> 00:19:52,327 I didn't want you and Max together because it looked like cheating on Pop. 280 00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:57,529 I know it doesn't make any sense, but I still think of the two of you as being married. 281 00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:00,037 I didn't want Max taking Pop's place. 282 00:20:00,105 --> 00:20:04,371 But now that I see the two of you so much in love, 283 00:20:04,443 --> 00:20:07,003 I realize I was just being selfish, Ma. 284 00:20:07,079 --> 00:20:09,639 Ma, I want you to be happy. 285 00:20:09,715 --> 00:20:12,047 And I know Pop would too. 286 00:20:29,435 --> 00:20:31,699 I love you, pussycat. 287 00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:34,034 This is more moving 288 00:20:34,106 --> 00:20:38,304 than Susan Hayward's climactic speech in I Want To Livel 289 00:20:39,311 --> 00:20:43,247 You're ready to fly right out of here, aren't you? 290 00:20:45,351 --> 00:20:48,718 Well, excuse me for living, Anita Bryant. 291 00:20:51,357 --> 00:20:54,815 Could we please get married already, so I can get in on the hugging? 292 00:20:54,894 --> 00:20:56,794 - Places! - Oh, Sophia. 293 00:20:56,862 --> 00:20:59,626 Honey, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world. 294 00:20:59,698 --> 00:21:01,461 Oh, thank you, Blanche. 295 00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:07,473 And Sophia, I want to offer you a traditional Scandinavian wedding blessing. 296 00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:11,169 Keflectoflafen flafenflurfen. 297 00:21:11,243 --> 00:21:14,906 potetaflingin faflafen. 298 00:21:15,848 --> 00:21:17,941 I'm really touched. 299 00:21:18,017 --> 00:21:21,009 I'm also soaking wet. 300 00:21:22,621 --> 00:21:26,057 All right! One group hug, and let's hit the road. 301 00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:28,457 Oh, Sophia, honey... 302 00:21:32,565 --> 00:21:36,433 (organist plays "The Wedding March" by Wagner 303 00:21:59,725 --> 00:22:01,886 Uh-oh. 304 00:22:01,961 --> 00:22:04,759 Either I mixed the Elvis list with the wedding list, 305 00:22:04,830 --> 00:22:09,358 or everyone in Max's family appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show. 306 00:22:10,803 --> 00:22:13,465 Who cares already? Let's just do it! 307 00:22:16,041 --> 00:22:20,171 We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in matrimony. 308 00:22:20,245 --> 00:22:23,578 - I just love weddings! - Oh, me too, me too. 309 00:22:23,649 --> 00:22:27,517 - You think you'll ever get married again? - Oh, I don't know. I don't think so. 310 00:22:27,586 --> 00:22:29,747 Me neither. How about you, Blanche? 311 00:22:29,822 --> 00:22:34,054 Oh, absolutely. If the right man ever came along. 312 00:22:34,126 --> 00:22:37,027 Course, he'd have to have the body of Mel Gibson, 313 00:22:37,096 --> 00:22:42,227 the personality of Johnny Carson, and the financial resources of Donald Trump. 314 00:22:42,301 --> 00:22:47,170 I have a feeling the three of us are going to be together for a long time. 315 00:22:47,239 --> 00:22:50,766 And do you, Max, take Sophia to be your lawfully wedded wife? 316 00:22:50,843 --> 00:22:51,901 I do. 317 00:22:51,977 --> 00:22:55,640 Then if no Elvis in this room has any objection to this union, 318 00:22:55,714 --> 00:23:00,151 I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 319 00:23:07,693 --> 00:23:13,029 320 00:23:13,098 --> 00:23:16,966 321 00:23:17,036 --> 00:23:21,973 322 00:23:22,041 --> 00:23:23,804 323 00:23:23,876 --> 00:23:29,746 324 00:23:29,815 --> 00:23:31,043 Uh-huh! 325 00:24:24,144 --> 00:24:27,580 and back again 326 00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:47,366 327 00:24:59,213 --> 00:25:01,841 (Rose) On the last episode of "The Golden Girls"... 328 00:25:01,915 --> 00:25:03,348 Good Lord. 329 00:25:08,689 --> 00:25:10,987 Ma, what is going on here? 330 00:25:11,625 --> 00:25:14,185 Afterglow. 331 00:25:17,798 --> 00:25:20,824 Ma, this is the most upsetting thing you have ever done. 332 00:25:20,901 --> 00:25:24,337 I am shocked. I am disappointed. I am speechless. 333 00:25:24,404 --> 00:25:25,393 We're getting married. 334 00:25:25,472 --> 00:25:29,909 I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 335 00:26:03,410 --> 00:26:04,434 Oh! 336 00:26:04,511 --> 00:26:06,741 (smoke alarm) 337 00:26:10,083 --> 00:26:11,880 (continues ringing) 338 00:26:11,952 --> 00:26:13,886 - Call 911! - Call 911! 339 00:26:13,954 --> 00:26:15,615 - Call 911! 911! - Call 911! 340 00:26:15,689 --> 00:26:17,520 - It's 911. - I got it. 341 00:26:17,591 --> 00:26:19,582 - Fire department, quick. - Blanche... 342 00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:21,890 All right, wait. Hello, fire department? 343 00:26:21,962 --> 00:26:25,693 This is Blanche Devereaux at 5161 Richm... 344 00:26:25,766 --> 00:26:29,532 Oh! Well, of course you know where it is. Hi, Ed. 345 00:26:31,038 --> 00:26:33,268 I'm on fire. 346 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:35,934 Why, you naughty boy! 347 00:26:36,977 --> 00:26:38,103 Blanche... 348 00:26:38,178 --> 00:26:44,549 I'll bet that's why Chicago burnt down. Mrs. O'Leary was probably a tramp, too. 349 00:26:45,385 --> 00:26:48,650 Give me that. Look, I'm terribly sorry. 350 00:26:48,722 --> 00:26:52,158 There's been a mistake. There is no fire here. 351 00:26:52,225 --> 00:26:54,420 That's right, this isn't Blanche. 352 00:26:54,494 --> 00:26:59,454 So that remark about the fire hose was totally wasted. 353 00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:03,898 - I set off the smoke alarm. - How? 354 00:27:03,970 --> 00:27:05,267 Cigarette. 355 00:27:05,339 --> 00:27:09,673 Oh, no thank you, I don't smoke. Now, how did you set off the alarm? 356 00:27:09,743 --> 00:27:12,439 I smoked a cigarette, you amoeba. 357 00:27:13,447 --> 00:27:18,009 I'm sorry, Rose, I'm sorry. I'm just so upset that I started smoking again. 358 00:27:18,085 --> 00:27:21,680 - Well, why did you start again? - I don't know. I don't know. 359 00:27:21,755 --> 00:27:26,089 I've just been under a lot of stress lately. My job, Ma getting married... 360 00:27:26,159 --> 00:27:32,098 You're growing older, you don't go out much, your chin is starting to droop. 361 00:27:33,100 --> 00:27:35,091 Since I've already had the cigarette, 362 00:27:35,168 --> 00:27:39,036 why don't you just blindfold me and shoot me? 363 00:27:39,106 --> 00:27:41,666 (Sophia) Hello! Honeymoon's over. We're back. 364 00:27:41,742 --> 00:27:44,973 Don't let Ma know I have been smoking. She will kill me. 365 00:27:45,746 --> 00:27:47,509 Ma! 366 00:27:47,581 --> 00:27:49,913 Dorothy! 367 00:27:52,152 --> 00:27:54,382 - What was that for? - You've been smoking. 368 00:27:54,454 --> 00:27:57,548 - I have not. - Then you've been smoking. 369 00:27:57,624 --> 00:28:01,082 - No, I haven't. - Ma, it was me. 370 00:28:02,295 --> 00:28:06,823 That's for lying. Dorothy, you quit 15 years ago. You told me you'd never smoke again. 371 00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:09,494 I know, Ma, I'm sorry. 372 00:28:09,569 --> 00:28:13,130 Oh... You know, I quit once, I can quit again. 373 00:28:13,206 --> 00:28:17,006 Hi, everybody. It's me, Max, the blushing groom. 374 00:28:17,077 --> 00:28:18,806 Well, how was the honeymoon? 375 00:28:18,879 --> 00:28:23,111 I tell you, that Disney World hotel was just wonderful. It had everything. 376 00:28:23,183 --> 00:28:26,084 Good service, delicious food, a beautiful room. 377 00:28:26,153 --> 00:28:28,383 What did you think of the rides? 378 00:28:28,455 --> 00:28:31,219 They got rides? 379 00:28:31,858 --> 00:28:35,487 Don't worry about it. You had a good time and you never had to stand in line. 380 00:28:35,562 --> 00:28:39,396 We'd like to stay and chat, but we want to get settled in our new place. 381 00:28:39,466 --> 00:28:42,299 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. Come back soon. 382 00:28:42,369 --> 00:28:44,428 Oh, aren't they cute? 383 00:28:45,539 --> 00:28:49,635 - We forgot something. - We forgot to get a new place. 384 00:28:51,244 --> 00:28:53,007 - You're kidding? - Don't worry. 385 00:28:53,079 --> 00:28:57,573 We just need a roof over our heads for a couple of days while we look. 386 00:28:57,651 --> 00:29:00,950 Doesn't have to be anything fancy. 387 00:29:01,021 --> 00:29:04,718 - Girls? - Would you all like to stay here with us? 388 00:29:04,791 --> 00:29:08,887 Here? Gee, that didn't even cross my mind. 389 00:29:08,962 --> 00:29:11,487 - What do you think, Max? - Well, there's no pool... 390 00:29:11,565 --> 00:29:14,363 All right, we'll stay - but only for a couple of days. 391 00:29:14,434 --> 00:29:16,425 Get the bags, pumpkin. 392 00:29:17,871 --> 00:29:23,207 He likes to eat breakfast in his underwear. I hope that's not a problem for anyone. 393 00:29:23,276 --> 00:29:25,904 - I need a cigarette. - No, Dorothy! 394 00:29:25,979 --> 00:29:29,915 You sit right down here. Now, you need to exercise a little self-control. 395 00:29:29,983 --> 00:29:32,008 Dorothy, listen. You can quit smoking. 396 00:29:32,085 --> 00:29:35,714 Now, just do it the way I did it, just taper off - 397 00:29:35,789 --> 00:29:37,814 smoke only after sex. 398 00:29:37,891 --> 00:29:41,793 Good idea. One pack'll last her a lifetime. 399 00:29:47,701 --> 00:29:50,033 (Dorothy singing) 400 00:29:54,574 --> 00:29:55,768 Dorothy? 401 00:29:55,842 --> 00:29:58,174 Out in a minute, Ma. 402 00:30:23,470 --> 00:30:28,373 (Max) Hiya, cupcake. It's time to play connect the freckles. 403 00:30:29,809 --> 00:30:34,075 (Dorothy) Not now, Max. Would you hand me the... Aagh! 404 00:30:36,182 --> 00:30:38,912 What the hell is going on here? 405 00:30:38,985 --> 00:30:40,782 Aagh! 406 00:30:40,854 --> 00:30:43,186 - Aagh! - Aagh! 407 00:30:43,256 --> 00:30:45,383 Quiet, quiet, quiet! 408 00:30:45,458 --> 00:30:48,655 This has been a big mistake. I thought Sophia was in the shower. 409 00:30:48,728 --> 00:30:52,664 Hand me my glasses. I'm blind as a bat without 'em. 410 00:30:54,634 --> 00:30:57,432 Aagh! 411 00:30:57,504 --> 00:31:00,837 Shut up, Max. Blanche, hand me my robe. 412 00:31:00,907 --> 00:31:03,637 Here you are. Now, listen. 413 00:31:03,710 --> 00:31:06,543 We love you two a lot, but you've been here for three weeks, 414 00:31:06,613 --> 00:31:08,706 and this arrangement is not working out. 415 00:31:08,782 --> 00:31:12,115 I guess we forgot how hard it is to live with a man in the house. 416 00:31:12,185 --> 00:31:15,120 - Why? What did I do? - Well, you snore. 417 00:31:15,188 --> 00:31:19,056 You don't pick up after yourself. You never remember to lift the toilet seat. 418 00:31:19,125 --> 00:31:23,892 Please! He hardly ever remembers to lift up the toilet lid. 419 00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:30,861 Fine, fine. We'll start looking for a place today. Come on, Max. 420 00:31:48,888 --> 00:31:51,152 So what did you think of the apartment? 421 00:31:51,224 --> 00:31:56,856 Too many old people. All those hearing aids interfere with the cable TV. 422 00:31:57,864 --> 00:32:00,890 - You want a Life Saver? - What kind you got? 423 00:32:00,967 --> 00:32:04,903 - Peppermint. - I don't like peppermint. Got butterscotch? 424 00:32:04,971 --> 00:32:08,202 Does it say 7-Eleven across my forehead? 425 00:32:09,209 --> 00:32:11,837 - I got peppermint. - I'll try one. 426 00:32:14,447 --> 00:32:16,779 I like butterscotch better. 427 00:32:16,850 --> 00:32:21,287 - What is this? Coconut? - Peppermint! 428 00:32:22,422 --> 00:32:25,585 Don't yell, I heard you the first time. 429 00:32:27,027 --> 00:32:31,293 - It's nice to sit here at the beach. - Yeah. Beach is nice. Always was. 430 00:32:31,364 --> 00:32:34,060 - My Sal used to like the beach. - Tell me about it. 431 00:32:34,134 --> 00:32:36,762 That's why he wanted to open a pizza-knish stand 432 00:32:36,836 --> 00:32:38,827 on the boardwalk in Coney Island. 433 00:32:38,905 --> 00:32:41,567 Now, there was a million-dollar idea. 434 00:32:41,641 --> 00:32:44,474 A million dollars was a bargain for that idea. 435 00:32:44,544 --> 00:32:47,911 That business was Sal's dream. Too bad it didn't work out. 436 00:32:47,981 --> 00:32:50,506 Yeah, bad timing. 437 00:32:50,583 --> 00:32:53,484 (saxophonist starts playing jazz) 438 00:32:55,755 --> 00:32:57,950 Hey! Hey, hey. 439 00:32:58,024 --> 00:33:02,017 Hey, you're driving away the birds with that noise. 440 00:33:02,095 --> 00:33:05,292 - You know a real song? - Do you have a buck? 441 00:33:06,933 --> 00:33:09,128 "It Had To Be You." 442 00:33:09,202 --> 00:33:11,432 That was Sal's favorite song. 443 00:33:11,504 --> 00:33:15,668 - (plays "It Had To Be You") - ? It had to be you 444 00:33:15,742 --> 00:33:18,302 445 00:33:19,312 --> 00:33:23,043 446 00:33:23,116 --> 00:33:26,381 Speaking of found, look what I found. 447 00:33:26,453 --> 00:33:28,444 Butterscotch. 448 00:33:31,624 --> 00:33:34,422 Doesn't get much better than this. 449 00:33:49,476 --> 00:33:51,603 Oh, it is such a beautiful day! 450 00:33:51,678 --> 00:33:54,146 It sure is. What are you gonna do today, Dorothy? 451 00:33:54,214 --> 00:33:59,083 Sit in a dark room and smoke ten packs of cigarettes. 452 00:33:59,152 --> 00:34:02,610 Dorothy, I know what you're going through. I smoked for years. 453 00:34:02,689 --> 00:34:07,991 You smoked? Rose, that's like finding out Lassie was an alcoholic. 454 00:34:09,629 --> 00:34:11,961 Lassie was an alcoholic?! 455 00:34:13,733 --> 00:34:16,463 That explains why she always tipped to one side 456 00:34:16,536 --> 00:34:19,130 when she waved goodbye to Timmy. 457 00:34:23,910 --> 00:34:27,539 Hi, everybody! We've got some great news. 458 00:34:27,614 --> 00:34:30,981 We found a place. It's absolutely perfect. 459 00:34:31,050 --> 00:34:34,986 It's near the beach, it's reasonably priced, and it's just the right size. 460 00:34:35,054 --> 00:34:38,581 - Ma, that's great. - We can't wait to show it to you. 461 00:34:44,197 --> 00:34:46,529 Well? What do you think? 462 00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:53,797 Ma, this is a run-down old concession stand. 463 00:34:53,873 --> 00:34:57,434 - You can't live here. - We're not living here. We leased it. 464 00:34:57,510 --> 00:35:00,968 It took every dime we had, but it's a dream come true. 465 00:35:01,047 --> 00:35:05,643 - I don't understand. - You should have that printed on a T-shirt. 466 00:35:08,087 --> 00:35:09,748 We're opening the old business. 467 00:35:09,823 --> 00:35:12,291 A million-dollar idea deserves a second chance. 468 00:35:12,358 --> 00:35:16,920 Ma, come on. You're both over 80. Starting a business is hard work. 469 00:35:16,996 --> 00:35:20,523 Yeah, for amateurs. But we've already done this before. 470 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:25,765 By the way, we'll be staying with you until the business gets off the ground. 471 00:35:25,839 --> 00:35:28,364 Well, what happens if the business fails? 472 00:35:28,441 --> 00:35:32,878 We'll have to talk about a night-light for the bathroom. 473 00:35:42,589 --> 00:35:46,116 Max. Put the paintbrush down a minute. 474 00:35:46,192 --> 00:35:48,922 Taste this pizza. 475 00:35:48,995 --> 00:35:51,793 I want an absolutely honest opinion. 476 00:35:51,865 --> 00:35:53,492 - I'm dying. - Yeah? 477 00:35:53,566 --> 00:35:54,931 - It's gorgeous. - Yeah? 478 00:35:55,001 --> 00:35:57,663 Perfection! Like velvet in my mouth. 479 00:35:57,737 --> 00:36:02,697 A masterpiece! A Picasso with mozzarella. A Rembrandt with tomato sauce. 480 00:36:02,775 --> 00:36:07,769 - I thought it needed more salt. - And garlic. It's a little flat. 481 00:36:09,515 --> 00:36:12,348 Oh, wow! Look at this. 482 00:36:12,418 --> 00:36:15,910 - Why, the place is really coming along. - Boy, I'll say it is. 483 00:36:15,989 --> 00:36:20,358 I have to give you two credit. It looks like it's really gonna happen. 484 00:36:20,426 --> 00:36:25,227 Why shouldn't it happen? I know the pizza business like the back of my hand. 485 00:36:25,298 --> 00:36:29,997 I never noticed that before. What do you think it would cost to remove that? 486 00:36:30,069 --> 00:36:33,061 Let's talk about it at home. It's getting late. Let's go. 487 00:36:33,139 --> 00:36:36,905 - We have a few more hours of work here. - Aw, Ma, you're overdoing it. 488 00:36:36,976 --> 00:36:39,444 - We're fine. - Besides, we want our grand opening 489 00:36:39,512 --> 00:36:42,106 in time for the big beach festival this weekend. 490 00:36:42,181 --> 00:36:46,447 Sophia, it's getting damp and chilly out here. You're gonna catch yourself a cold. 491 00:36:46,519 --> 00:36:49,181 Please! I haven't had a cold in 40 years. 492 00:36:49,589 --> 00:36:53,491 This is the worst cold I've had in 40 years. 493 00:36:53,559 --> 00:36:57,518 My back is killing me. I feel dizzy and nauseous. 494 00:36:57,597 --> 00:37:00,157 Every joint in my body feels like it's on fire. 495 00:37:00,233 --> 00:37:04,067 - Boy, you really caught a nasty bug. - Please! I'm 84 years old. 496 00:37:04,137 --> 00:37:07,106 I feel like this every day. 497 00:37:07,173 --> 00:37:09,903 Never fear, Doctor Rose is here. 498 00:37:09,976 --> 00:37:13,412 I made you both an old-fashioned St. Olaf tonic. 499 00:37:13,479 --> 00:37:17,643 Guaranteed to get you back on your feet and put hair on your chest. 500 00:37:17,717 --> 00:37:22,677 That's the one nasty side effect they could never figure out. 501 00:37:24,357 --> 00:37:27,224 I'm feeling better. I think I'll go check the stand. 502 00:37:27,293 --> 00:37:29,727 The big beach festival is this weekend. 503 00:37:29,796 --> 00:37:33,459 We have to be open. If we don't make some money, we'll lose our lease. 504 00:37:33,533 --> 00:37:35,626 Max, it is out of the question. 505 00:37:35,702 --> 00:37:38,034 She's right. We're too sick. 506 00:37:38,104 --> 00:37:40,834 The dream has ended. It's over. 507 00:37:40,907 --> 00:37:43,705 It's a dirty rotten shame we couldn't find somebody 508 00:37:43,776 --> 00:37:48,577 who could find it in their heart to help this absolutely adorable old couple 509 00:37:48,648 --> 00:37:51,640 fulfill their dream of a lifetime. 510 00:37:58,524 --> 00:38:01,925 Oh, all right, all right. We will. 511 00:38:01,995 --> 00:38:03,986 You? 512 00:38:04,063 --> 00:38:06,327 - Do you have any experience? - No. 513 00:38:06,399 --> 00:38:08,731 You're hired. 514 00:38:15,074 --> 00:38:19,101 Boy, making pizza really brings back a flood of childhood memories. 515 00:38:19,178 --> 00:38:21,373 Make a lot of pizza as a kid? 516 00:38:21,447 --> 00:38:24,041 No. My favorite uncle, Uncle Gunther, 517 00:38:24,117 --> 00:38:27,746 used to sprinkle Parmesan cheese on his hair. 518 00:38:30,556 --> 00:38:32,387 Why would he do that? 519 00:38:32,458 --> 00:38:38,192 He said it was the perfect compliment to the croutons he'd taped to his eyebrows. 520 00:38:38,264 --> 00:38:42,428 He had a Caesar complex. Salad, not Julius. 521 00:38:43,736 --> 00:38:46,261 Rose, maybe you ought to work on the knishes. 522 00:38:46,339 --> 00:38:50,173 Or did you have an uncle who was a Mr. Potato Head? 523 00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:55,078 Dorothy, you're just cranky 'cause you haven't had a cigarette in a while. 524 00:38:55,148 --> 00:38:58,914 Maybe a little. But I'll tell you the truth, I think I'm over the worst. 525 00:38:58,985 --> 00:39:02,546 That's great. I'm really proud of you. 526 00:39:02,622 --> 00:39:06,319 You'd think you'd miss that feeling you get with that first puff, 527 00:39:06,392 --> 00:39:09,919 that feeling of relaxation when you hold it in, 528 00:39:09,996 --> 00:39:14,126 and then the sheer exhilaration as you exhale slowly. 529 00:39:15,134 --> 00:39:19,161 No, not really. I've found other ways to ease my tensions. 530 00:39:19,238 --> 00:39:21,706 Honey, would you hand me that large saucepan? 531 00:39:21,774 --> 00:39:25,801 - Oh, sure. - No, the one behind it, the really big one. 532 00:39:44,664 --> 00:39:47,997 You know, you really have to give Max and Sophia credit. 533 00:39:48,067 --> 00:39:51,332 This business was their dream, and they're going after it. 534 00:39:51,404 --> 00:39:53,463 - I wish I'd done that with my dream. - Fine. 535 00:39:53,539 --> 00:39:57,942 - Honey, would you check on the pizzas? - Why don't you want to hear my dream? 536 00:39:58,010 --> 00:40:01,537 Because it is always the same thing with you, Blanche. 537 00:40:01,614 --> 00:40:05,345 Sex, sex, sex. I am tired of hearing it. 538 00:40:05,418 --> 00:40:09,821 Maybe that's because you're not getting any, Dorothy. 539 00:40:10,790 --> 00:40:13,315 Do you want the pot again, Rose? 540 00:40:17,530 --> 00:40:21,227 Well, it just so happens that it was not about sex. 541 00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:23,825 There's a lot more than that to Blanche Devereaux. 542 00:40:23,903 --> 00:40:26,565 My dream was to be a great scientist. 543 00:40:26,639 --> 00:40:29,130 Work in a laboratory. Do research. 544 00:40:29,208 --> 00:40:31,699 Find a cure for the common cold. 545 00:40:31,777 --> 00:40:34,712 You know, Blanche, I owe you an apology. I thought... 546 00:40:34,780 --> 00:40:37,874 Then I'd knock all those test tubes off the table, grab a Ph.D., 547 00:40:37,950 --> 00:40:41,943 and show those lab rabbits how it's really done. 548 00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:48,021 It's gonna be a long afternoon. 549 00:40:55,234 --> 00:40:57,600 This is so depressing. 550 00:40:57,670 --> 00:41:00,298 We haven't had a customer in two hours. 551 00:41:00,373 --> 00:41:03,740 Well, that's because we need promotion. 552 00:41:03,809 --> 00:41:06,505 You know, Blanche is right. 553 00:41:06,579 --> 00:41:10,845 It doesn't matter how good your product is, you have to know how to promote it. 554 00:41:10,917 --> 00:41:13,545 That sure was the case with Fritz Vanderhoeven, 555 00:41:13,619 --> 00:41:16,110 who owned the St. Olaf Motor Coach Company. 556 00:41:16,189 --> 00:41:19,249 - They built a car in St. Olaf? - They sure did. 557 00:41:19,325 --> 00:41:23,318 The Vanderhoeven Rocket. Oh, it was a beauty. 558 00:41:23,396 --> 00:41:25,796 Fritz really had vision. 559 00:41:25,865 --> 00:41:30,962 Actually, he had double vision, which is why it had eight tires. 560 00:41:32,972 --> 00:41:35,566 So, uh... What happened? 561 00:41:35,641 --> 00:41:38,974 It never got off the ground. Bad promotion. 562 00:41:39,045 --> 00:41:43,846 Which was a shame, because it's the first car to this day that ran on free fuel. 563 00:41:43,916 --> 00:41:46,885 It was totally powered by cow manure. 564 00:41:48,621 --> 00:41:51,988 I think a lot of people were turned off by the ad - 565 00:41:52,058 --> 00:41:56,290 a cow sitting on a gas tank, reading the Farmers'Almanac. 566 00:42:00,933 --> 00:42:04,061 - How's it going? - Ma, what are you doing here? 567 00:42:04,136 --> 00:42:07,333 I feel better and I wanted to get some air. How's business? 568 00:42:07,406 --> 00:42:09,465 We've only had two customers all day. 569 00:42:09,542 --> 00:42:12,670 I think it's such a nice hot day, they're all in the water. 570 00:42:12,745 --> 00:42:15,873 That's your problem? You can't get the people out of the water? 571 00:42:15,948 --> 00:42:21,545 Amateurs. Let me show you how you run a pizza-knish stand at the beach. 572 00:42:26,826 --> 00:42:30,819 - Shark! Shark! Shark! - (screaming and yelling) 573 00:42:30,896 --> 00:42:33,126 Now they're out of the water, start selling. 574 00:42:33,199 --> 00:42:36,100 - Uh, pizza. - Step right up. 575 00:42:42,141 --> 00:42:46,373 And after Ma got everybody out of the water, people started trying our food. 576 00:42:46,445 --> 00:42:49,778 Before we knew it, there wasn't a pizza or a knish left on the shelf. 577 00:42:49,849 --> 00:42:54,149 - The place is a hit. - Sophia, I am very proud of you. 578 00:42:54,220 --> 00:43:00,682 Not only did you save the business, but you saved all those people from the shark. 579 00:43:02,461 --> 00:43:05,760 Don't look so worried. I handle the books. 580 00:43:05,831 --> 00:43:08,425 (phone rings) 581 00:43:09,435 --> 00:43:11,369 Hello? What? 582 00:43:11,437 --> 00:43:15,066 - Oh, no... No, we'll be right there. - What's the matter? 583 00:43:17,710 --> 00:43:22,670 - I don't understand it. - How could the stand burn to the ground? 584 00:43:22,748 --> 00:43:25,842 - I don't know. - We were so careful. 585 00:43:25,918 --> 00:43:28,478 I have a confession to make. 586 00:43:28,554 --> 00:43:32,581 The reason I sent you two ahead and said I'd lock up... 587 00:43:32,658 --> 00:43:36,617 is because I wanted a cigarette. And I guess I didn't put it out. 588 00:43:36,696 --> 00:43:39,597 - Oh... - Well, I wouldn't worry. 589 00:43:39,665 --> 00:43:43,863 How much harm can it do? The place already burnt down. 590 00:43:49,275 --> 00:43:53,837 Rose, you dummy, she means her cigarette started the fire. 591 00:43:53,913 --> 00:44:00,284 Max, Ma, I have never felt so bad in my entire life. I don't know what to say. 592 00:44:00,353 --> 00:44:03,550 It was an accident, pussycat. Don't worry about it. 593 00:44:03,622 --> 00:44:07,388 - That's it? That's all you have to say? - Uh-huh. 594 00:44:07,460 --> 00:44:12,659 Oh, Ma, please yell at me. Please scream at me. Please make me feel guilty. 595 00:44:12,732 --> 00:44:15,826 I mean, if you don't say anything, I'll feel twice as bad. 596 00:44:15,901 --> 00:44:18,734 I know. I'm not an amateur at this. 597 00:44:19,705 --> 00:44:21,900 We finally found the cause of the fire. 598 00:44:21,974 --> 00:44:24,306 Take me away. Cuff me. 599 00:44:25,111 --> 00:44:30,344 Well, I'd like to take you to dinner first. Then we could play the rest by ear. 600 00:44:30,416 --> 00:44:33,214 But business before pleasure. 601 00:44:33,285 --> 00:44:36,743 Your fire was caused by a faulty coil in the pizza oven. 602 00:44:36,822 --> 00:44:39,723 I'll write up a report for your insurance company. 603 00:44:39,792 --> 00:44:43,091 But this is wonderful news! Dorothy, it wasn't your fault. 604 00:44:43,162 --> 00:44:46,461 And with the insurance money, Max and Sophia can build again, 605 00:44:46,532 --> 00:44:48,523 bigger and better than ever. 606 00:44:48,601 --> 00:44:51,365 From these ashes a phoenix will rise! 607 00:44:51,437 --> 00:44:55,703 Stronger, healthier, more vibrant, more successful than before. 608 00:44:55,775 --> 00:44:57,766 (both) Eh. 609 00:45:01,814 --> 00:45:04,180 Why did you say "Ah"? 610 00:45:04,250 --> 00:45:07,083 - It just came out. - Me too. 611 00:45:08,087 --> 00:45:10,555 Did you have fun rebuilding the old business? 612 00:45:10,623 --> 00:45:14,821 Ah... It always felt like something was missing. 613 00:45:14,894 --> 00:45:17,226 I can tell you what that was. 614 00:45:17,296 --> 00:45:19,287 My Salvadore. 615 00:45:19,365 --> 00:45:21,356 And my Esther. 616 00:45:22,968 --> 00:45:26,233 Sophia, I think we got a problem here. 617 00:45:26,839 --> 00:45:29,205 Is there anything we can do, Sophia? 618 00:45:29,275 --> 00:45:31,505 Go get two cheesecakes and wait up for me. 619 00:45:31,577 --> 00:45:36,014 I have a feeling the four of us will be talking till dawn. 620 00:45:40,286 --> 00:45:43,744 Max, do you love me? 621 00:45:43,823 --> 00:45:45,620 Sure. You? 622 00:45:45,691 --> 00:45:48,023 I love you. 623 00:45:48,093 --> 00:45:50,823 Are you in love with me? 624 00:45:50,896 --> 00:45:54,195 What is this? The Oprah Winfrey Show? 625 00:45:54,266 --> 00:45:56,564 You know what I mean. 626 00:45:56,635 --> 00:45:59,695 Are you in love with me the way you were with Esther? 627 00:45:59,772 --> 00:46:04,766 - No. Do you love me the way you did Sal? - I thought I did. 628 00:46:04,844 --> 00:46:08,871 But now I think I might have confused a great friendship with a great love. 629 00:46:08,948 --> 00:46:11,542 Boy, if this was Ronald Colman and Greer Garson, 630 00:46:11,617 --> 00:46:15,178 there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house. 631 00:46:15,254 --> 00:46:18,451 This is the kind of mistake you make when you're 19. 632 00:46:18,524 --> 00:46:22,085 It gives me hope to think you can be just as dopey at 82. 633 00:46:23,162 --> 00:46:25,926 So. Do you want to get a divorce? 634 00:46:25,998 --> 00:46:27,989 Hey, I'm Catholic. 635 00:46:28,067 --> 00:46:32,367 I don't need a divorce on my record with St. Peter in spitting distance. 636 00:46:34,139 --> 00:46:36,334 I say we get separated. 637 00:46:36,408 --> 00:46:40,105 Fine. That's a better idea. 638 00:46:40,179 --> 00:46:45,207 I'll go back to Brooklyn. My family's there, my grandkids. 639 00:46:45,284 --> 00:46:47,718 And I miss the old neighborhood. 640 00:46:47,786 --> 00:46:53,418 And I'll stay here in Miami. Ever since I lost my Sal, the ladies I live with are my family. 641 00:46:53,492 --> 00:46:59,453 But that doesn't mean we can't get together occasionally for... You know. 642 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,893 You can do that when you're just friends? 643 00:47:03,969 --> 00:47:08,531 Hey, I want to get in good with St. Peter, I don't want his job. 644 00:47:09,441 --> 00:47:14,037 You know, me and Esther, and you and Salvadore, 645 00:47:14,113 --> 00:47:16,707 we were all good together. 646 00:47:16,782 --> 00:47:19,114 The best. 647 00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:25,580 Hey, Mister. You want me to play "It Had To Be You," for the two of you? 648 00:47:25,658 --> 00:47:28,456 I want you to play it for the four of us. 649 00:47:29,461 --> 00:47:31,588 (plays "It Had To Be You")